13things mentally strong people don’t do

introduction

“It’s not that people are either mentally strong or mentally weak. We all possess some degree of mental strength, but there’s always room for improvement. Developing mental strength is about improving your ability to regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.”

In her book ” 13 things mentally strong people don’t do, “Amy Morin” defines the concept of “mentally strong people” as an ability to improve the way we behave and manage our thoughts to face life challenges. She discusses some beliefs, thoughts, and emotions behind our behaviors and she illustrates how we could break them to improve our mental strength.

1:They don’t waste their time feeling sorry for themselves

self-pity or feeling sorry for yourself because your life is the worst isn’t a sign of mental strength, you might don’t think you are that kind of person, but ask yourself the following questions: do you tend to think your problems are worse than anyone else’s? do you likely tell people what went wrong during your day rather than what went well? If you think you really do you have to know that you and only you have the ability to change this and improve your mental strength.

As long as you feel sorry for yourself, you can delay any circumstances that will bring you face-to-face with your real fears, and you can avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. it wastes your time and mental energy leads to more negative emotions and prevents you from leading your emotions.

So what’s helpful in this case?

BEHAVE IN A MANNER THAT MAKES IT HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF: t’s impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you’re jumping out of an airplane—unless of course, you don’t have a parachute. There are many other things you can do to change your emotions, for example:

1. volunteer to help a worthy cause

2. perform a random act of kindness

3. do something active and helps you feel confident

And you can replace thoughts that encourage self-pity, and here are some questions that help you change your negative thoughts into more realistic thoughts:

1- What’s another way I could view my situation? This is where the “glass half empty or glass half full” thinking comes in.

2-What advice would I give to a loved one who had this problem? Often, we’re better at handing out words of encouragement to other people rather than to ourselves.

3- What evidence do I have that I can get through this? Feeling sorry for ourselves often stems from a lack of confidence in our ability to handle problems. Reviewing your skills, support systems, and past experiences can give you an extra boost of confidence that will help you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

2:they don’t give away their power

Give other people the power to control how you think, feel, and behave makes it impossible to be mentally strong. do any of the following points sounds familiar? you feel deeply offended by any criticism or negative feedback you receive. Others have the ability to make you feel angry. you work hard to ensure other people see you in a positive light.

There’s an important point to understand: You risk giving away your power to other people when you don’t set healthy emotional and physical boundaries for yourself.

what you can do to change this?

1- use language that acknowledges your choice such as ” I’m choosing to…”

2- set healthy emotional and physical boundaries with people

3- behave proactively by making conscious about how you’ll respond to other people

4- take full responsibility for how you choose to spend your time and energy

5- choose to forgive individuals regardless of whether they seek to make amends

3: they don’t shy away from change

Although it’s often easy to say you want to change, successfully making a change is hard. Our thoughts and emotions often prevent us from creating behavioral change, even when it will improve our lives.

see If any of the following apply to you: you tend to justify a bad habit by convincing yourself what you’re doing isn’t “that bad”. Even when you’re in a bad situation, you worry that making a change might make things worse. Or you make excuses for Why you can’t change.

Whether the change you need to make is a behavioral change, emotional change, or a habit change, the next steps will be helpful:

1- identify the pros and cons of changing

2- develop an awareness of your emotions: pay attention to the emotions that are influencing your decision as well, how do you feel when you think about making a change?

3-manage negative thought: look for unrealistically negative thoughts that may be influencing you. Once you’ve started to make changes, the way you think about the process can also greatly affect how motivated you’ll be to keep going.

4- create a successful change plan: consider taking the following tips:

1. create a goal for what you would like to accomplish in thirty days

2. Establish concrete behavior changes you can make to reach that goal each

3. Anticipate obstacles along the way.

4. Establish accountability

5. Monitor your progress.

5- behave like the person you want to become: clearly identify the type of person you’d like to be. Then be proactive about becoming that person.

4: they don’t focus on things they can’t control

It feels so safe to have everything under control, but thinking we have the power to always pull the strings can become problematic. Do you respond positively to any of the following points?

1. You invest energy into wishing other people would change.

2. You believe the outcome of any situation is entirely based on how much effort you choose to exert.

3. Other people sometimes accuse you of being a “control freak.”

if yes, then this section of the book is for you. Don’t feel bad you are here to fix it. This might be hard at first but you can do it. Check out these tips and see what’s helpful for you:

1- IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS: ask yourself, What am I so afraid of?

2- FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL: When you notice you have a lot of anxiety about a situation, do what you can to manage your reaction and influence the outcome.

3- INFLUENCE PEOPLE WITHOUT TRYING TO CONTROL THEM: listen first, share your opinion, change your behavior, point out the positive

4- PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE: Even though you might not like the situation you’re in, you can choose to accept it.

5: they don’t worry about pleasing everyone

Worrying about trying to please everyone is a waste of time. You can’t control how other people feel and the more time you spend devoting your thoughts to wondering if people will be happy, the less time you’ll have to think about what really matters.

Do you respond positively to any of the points below? – You feel responsible for how other people feel. – The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable. – You tend to be a “pushover.”

The following tips are quite helpful:

1- DETERMINE WHO YOU WANT TO PLEASE

2-CLARIFY YOUR VALUES: When you’re faced with decisions in your life, it’s important to know exactly what your values are so you can make the best choices.

3- TAKE TIME TO DECIDE WHETHER TO SAY YES OR NO

4- PRACTICE BEHAVING ASSERTIVELY: Confrontation doesn’t have to be bad or scary. In fact, assertive discussions can actually be quite healthy, and sharing your concerns can improve relationships.

6: They don’t fear taking calculated risks

We face many risks in our lives—financial, physical, emotional, social, and business risks to name a few, but often people avoid taking the risks that could help them reach their full potential because they’re afraid. Do you respond positively to any of the points below? – You struggle to make important decisions in your life.

– You spend a lot of time daydreaming about what you’d like to do, but you don’t take any action.

-Sometimes you impulsively make a decision because thinking about the decision is just too anxiety-provoking.

The following tips are recommended for you:

1- Being aware of emotional reactions to risk-taking.

2- Identifying types of risks that are particularly challenging.

3- Recognizing irrational thoughts that influence your decision. making

4- Educating yourself about the facts.

5- Spending time calculating each risk before making a decision.

6- Practicing taking risks and monitoring the results so you can learn from each risk you take.

7: They don’t dwell on the past

Sometimes people dwell on the things that happened years ago, while others dwell on what happened last week. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

-You wish you could press the rewind button so you could redo portions of your life. -You struggle with major regrets about your past. -You spend a lot of time wondering how life would have turned out if only you had chosen a slightly different path.

Then here you are:

1- Reflect on the past enough

2- move forward in your life, even when it may be painful

3- actively work through grief so you can focus on the present and plan for the future

4- Think about negative events in terms of facts

5- find ways to make peace with the past

8: they don’t make the same mistake over and over

Although we’d like to think we learn from our mistakes the first time around, the truth is, everyone repeats mistakes sometimes. That’s just part of being human. Mistakes can be behavioral—like showing up late for work—or they can be cognitive. Thinking errors include always assuming people don’t like you or never planning ahead.do any of the points below sound familiar?

-You often find yourself stuck at the same point when you’re trying to reach a goal. -When you encounter an obstacle, you don’t invest much time looking for new ways to overcome it. -You find it hard to give up your bad habits because you keep falling back on your old ways

try these tips:

1- Acknowledge your personal responsibility for each mistake

2-Create a written plan to prevent repeating the mistake

3- Identifying triggers and warning signs of old behavior patterns

9: They don’t resent other people success

While jealousy can be described as “I want what you have,” resentment over someone’s success goes further: “I want what you have and I don’t want you to have it.” Fleeting and occasional jealousy is normal. But resentment is unhealthy. Do any of these statements sound familiar?

– You often compare your wealth, status, and appearance to the people around you.

-You feel envious of people who can afford nicer possessions than you can.

– It’s difficult for you to listen to other people share their success stories.

follow these tips:

1- Create your own definition of success

2- Replace negative thoughts that breed resentment with more rational thoughts

3- Celebrate other people’s accomplishments

4- Focus on your strengths

5- Cooperate rather than competing with everyone

9: They don’t give up after the first failure

While some people are motivated by failure to do better the next time, other people simply give up. Do any of these points resonate with you?

1- You worry about being perceived as a failure by other people.

2- You only like to participate in things where you’re likely to excel.

3- If your first attempt at something doesn’t work out well, you’re not likely to try again.

see if any of these tips are helpful:

1- Viewing failure as a learning opportunity

2- Resolving to try again if your first attempt was not successful

3- Facing your fear of failure

4- Developing a new plan to increase your chance of success

5- Identifying and replacing irrational thoughts about failure

9- Focusing on improving your skills rather than showing them off

10: They don’t fear alone

Spending time alone isn’t at the top of most people’s priority lists. For many of us, the thought of being alone just doesn’t sound appealing. For others, it sounds downright scary. Do any of the points below describe you?

-When you have spare time, the last thing you’d likely do is just sit and think. -You think spending time by yourself is boring. -You like to keep the TV on for background noise when you’re doing things around the house.

1- meditate: And here are simple steps from the book to help you

2- Learning how to appreciate silence

3-Taking a few minutes every day to be alone with your thoughts

4- Schedule a date with yourself at least one time a month

5- Learn how to meditate to quiet your mind

6- Practice mindfulness skills to focus on one task at a time

7-Journal to sort out your emotions

8- Reflect on your progress and goals daily

11: They don’t feel the world owes them anything

We’re all inclined to want our fair share in life. However, the belief that you’re owed something simply because of who you are or what you’ve been through isn’t healthy. Do you respond positively to any of the points below?

-You think you perform better than average at most tasks, like driving or interacting with other people. – You’re more likely to talk your way out of problems rather than accept the consequences.

-You think you’re smart enough to succeed without having to work hard.

what you can do about it:

-Develop healthy amounts of self-esteem -Recognize areas of your life where you believe you are superior -Focus on what you have to give, rather than what you want to take -Give back to other people in need Behaving like a team player -Think about other people’s feelings

12: they don’t expect immediate results

Although we live in a fast-paced world, we can’t get everything we want instantly. Whether you’re hoping to improve your marriage or you want to start your own business, expecting immediate results can set you up to fail. Do any of the points below sound familiar?

-You don’t believe good things come to those who wait. -You think of time as money and you don’t want to risk wasting a single second. -Patience isn’t your strong suit.

what you have to do :

-Creating realistic expectations about how long it will take to reach your goal and how difficult it will be -Finding accurate ways to measure your progress -Celebrating milestones along your journey -Coping with negative feelings in healthy ways -Developing a plan to help you resist temptation -Pacing yourself for the long haul